[Jesus prayed:] "I pray for them. I do not pray for the world but for the ones you have given me, because they are yours, and everything of yours is mine, and I have been glorified in them. And now I will no longer be in the world, but they are in the world, while I am coming to you. Holy Father, keep them in your name that you have given me, so that they may be one just as we are. When I was with them I protected them in your name that you gave me, and I guarded them, and none of them was lost except the son of destruction, in order that the scripture might be fulfilled. But now I am coming to you. I speak this in the world so that they may share my joy completely." 

"It all just sounds like I'm too young, too dumb to realize that I should have bought you flowers and held your hand, should have gave you all my hours when I had the chance, take you to every party ‘cause all you wanted to do was dance. Now my baby’s dancing, but she’s dancing with another man. Although it hurts, I’ll be the first to say I was wrong. Oh, I know I’m probably much too late to try to apologize for my mistakes, but I just want you to know that I hope he buys you flowers, I hope he holds your hand, gives you all his hours when he has the chance, take you to every party 'cause I remember how much you loved to dance, do all the things I should have done when I was your man." 

Jesus' high priestly prayer in John's Gospel is an interesting study. He prays specifically for his apostles. They have been special to him, people that he truly loved, and so he prays that they will have what they ultimately desire, that is, to share the joy that Jesus will have. Because he loved them, he wanted to give them what they desired.

The pattern is important to imitate when we love someone. If we truly love another, we will generally speaking do what the other desires. Modern songs often speak the same idea, usually in the context of romantic love. Such is Bruno Mars' song "When I Was Your Man." Young men especially should study the song closely. Ultimately, it is a sad song because the man has lost his girlfriend. But why he lost her is the important point to study. He lost her because he did not give her what she wanted. He was "too young" and "too dumb," satisfying his own wants and needs, and completely missed what she wanted. Granted there are some times that we should not give to another what they want, but for the most part, the general rule holds that loving others requires us to give on their behalf.

Whether we are speaking of romantic love as the song is or love of others in general as Jesus is, a person who truly loves must understand this fact: if we truly love another, we will usually do what he/she desires. We will discover what the other really wants, what his/her deepest needs include, and then try to satisfy them as best we can. The man in the relationship of the song did not do that, and he paid the price.

The song has a further lesson about love of another as well. When we have not satisfied the other's wishes or desires and is rejected, such a person could turn bitter or angry. But the person who truly loves will not forget the other's needs. In the song, thinking of his friend's new boyfriend, he hopes that he--the new boyfriend--will give her what he did not do.

We live in a world that is in need of love, both from a personal point of view--what we want in life, and from a general point of view--what people need. One of the elements of such a love in whatever circumstance is that the person in love will determine what the person to be loved truly desires, and attempt to give it.

PRAYER

Good and gracious God, your Son loved the apostles he had chosen to help him in this world, and therefore he wanted to give them what they truly desired. As we learn to love, help us imitate his example of what we should do. Be with us, we pray. 

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Questions, comments? Let me know. Email Fr. Mike

©2007 Capuchin Province of Mid-America
Fr. Mike Scully is a member of the Capuchin Province of Mid-America