TGIMMinever

	WHEN YOU HOLD IT IN

The Gospel

MATTHEW 23:13-15

[Jesus said:] "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites. You lock the kingdom of heaven before human beings. You do not enter yourselves, nor do you allow entrance to those trying to enter. Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites. You traverse sea and land to make one convert, and when that happens you make him a child of Gehenna twice as much as yourselves."

The Media -- "I Never Told You" (Colbie Caillat)

"I miss those blue eyes, how you kissed me at night. I miss the way we see, I miss the way we breathe. But I never told you what I should have said. No, I never told you; I just held it in and now I miss everything about you. I can’t believe I still want you after all the things we’ve been through."

Chapter 23 of Matthew's Gospel is almost embarrassing for the Christian believer. We know that Jesus wants us to be loving people, but he seems to speak without love toward the scribes and Pharisees. One might label the love he speaks in the chapter as "tough love" because the scribes and Pharisees had to be told directly what they were doing. Jesus was fearless as he communicated his feelings to the people who should have been the leaders in renewal: "You hypocrites," he addresses them. Jesus wanted a loving relationship with the scribes and Pharisees, but in order to get it, he first of all had to be direct with his words.

People discovering the anxieties that are connected with love and its development must be able to speak their minds. If they are unable to because of fear or pressure or the like, they will destroy any relationship that has a chance to develop. People who have begun dating, for example, are fully aware of how difficult it is to express their feelings in talking to another. Unfortunately, too many of them allow such a fear to direct their actions, and not relaying how they feel, they end up hurting others and being hurt themselves.

Such is the setting of Colbie Caillat's song "I Never Told You," a song that should be studied carefully by people who are thinking of spending the rest of their lives with another. We will never connect with another, she sings, if we don't tell the other how we feel: "I just held it in," she sings, "and now I miss everything about you."

The best way to grow in relationships with others is to be honest about our feelings, maybe not as bluntly as Jesus was toward the scribes and Pharisees, but we must speak honestly and to the point. Even if thoughts and emotions may not be pleasing to the other, it remains the greatest kindness to reveal ourselves openly, honestly and with utmost respect for the other person. If we want a relationship with another, both should know how each other feels, and if we want people to know how we feel, we must tell them.

PRAYER

Good and gracious God, we study your Son's relationships with people on this earth and we learn from him. One thing that he taught us is that we must always communicate how we feel. Help us learn this very practical lesson as we learn to love another. Be with us, we pray.

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GUIDE FOR CLASSROOM PRESENTATION AND PERSONAL ENRICHMENT

Theme: The best way to grow in a relationship with another is to be honest about our feelings.

THE GOSPEL
1. These verses contain Jesus’ first two “woes” against the scribes and Pharisees. Pronouncing a “woe” on some group expresses grief at their sorry state and warns of bad consequences. Why was Jesus so upset at the scribes and Pharisees? (See Catechism of the Catholic Church, second edition, numbers 574-582.)
2. Jesus uses the phrase “hypocrites” in describing the scribes and Pharisees. Define a “hypocrite.”
3. Jesus speaks his mind concerning the scribes and Pharisees, probably making a number of enemies as he did so. In your opinion, when are we justified in speaking out publicly against something?

THE SONG
1. Text analysis: “I never told you what I should have said.” What are the principal topics that should be talked about in a love relationship?
2. Lack of communication has been called the “number one cause of marriage breakdown.” In your opinion, why is communication so necessary in a marriage? What are some other causes of marriage breakdown?
3. Do you believe that most married couples are honest about their feelings toward each other? Yes or no and why?

THE MEDITATION
1. The meditation labels Jesus’ love for the scribes and Pharisees to be “tough love.” Define your understanding of “tough love.”
2. Why is it so difficult to be honest when a dating relationship is just beginning?
3. In general, do you think that most people in loving relationships with another tell the other how they honestly feel about them? Yes or no and why?
4. Some dating couples cannot share their feelings. Generally, what is the cause of this lack of sharing?
5. In your opinion, do you feel that a couple could marry even though their communication is not as good as it should be? Yes or no and why?
6. The meditation makes the point that if a person is to be honest, he/she will tell the other. Obviously, there are other ways of communicating with each other. Do you think that there is another way that is better than “telling” the other? Yes or no and explain your answer.
7. What does the song “I Never Told You” teach young people?

Questions, comments? Let me know. Email Fr. Mike